I’m not sure exactly when the shift happened or why but I am definitely sure there has been a shift.
For as long as I can remember, it seems, I have always been in a hurry. In a hurry to see the finished product. In a hurry to be finished. Then ready to do it all again. Sometimes exactly the same, sometimes with a new spin, always wanting to improve this skill or that.
Now this applies to almost everything I create: baking, sewing, knitting, spinning, quilting…. any time I get an idea or inspiration and set out to try it, the process is usually hurried through and repeated again and again.
In recent years I’ve tried to make a conscious effort to slow down and enjoy the process but I always seemed in the end to be pushing through (even late into the night) to finish, only to find the next morning a strong desire to do it all again. Sometimes I have everything I need, and let myself do it, other times it had to wait until supplies could be purchased and time to be found.
Again, I don’t really know what has happened. If I analyze it a bit I think of the fact that I noticed a definite difference when Bron started school. This change may have triggered my mind to realize that our daily home life had defiantly shifted, placing a greater burden on me to be in charge of daily chores and evening preparations so that things can run somewhat smoothly when the kids get home. I also think about the fact that I’m starting to feel older. Not old like my body is aging (though I do notice that) but maybe my needs are changing and with that creating has taken on a new purpose.
Boy I seem to be rambling.
I’m still processing it all and feeling a little lost. I know I love to make things but I am not in a hurry at all. Projects have been terribly slow. With no real desire to even finish them but yet a desire to work on them. Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe I’m finally relaxing and enjoying the process of making things but not letting this area of my life impede and direct my daily life as much as before.
I don’t like to think that making things was the center of my life but I suspect that it was a bit of an escape. Or maybe a way to claim something as my own when feeling overwhelmed by duties of motherhood.
Now that the kids are older and much more independent and I have large chunks of time to myself. I seem to be crafting much less than when I had very little time to spare.
With all that said I have a few projects I’m working on right now. That stack of cut and partially sewn fabric constitutes the beginnings of 16 camera straps, two totes, and some notecards. It is funny how I am working now a days. Today I only felt like sewing. Not turning, and only tolerated the pressing. Last time I had no desire to sew at all. But I did have a desire to cut things out and use my brain to practice math as I calculated the size of things and how to best use my fabric. Next time, I’m hoping I’ll have a desire to get out my iron and apply interfacing to everything. Or maybe I’ll decide to pull out my knitting project and sew up a few body parts or items of clothing. Or maybe I’ll start a new project. I’ve been hoarding fabrics to make a few quilts for babies on their way. Or maybe I’ll start sketching a blanket for my own summer baby.
I don’t think this change is a bad thing, it’s just a change.