I have been very hesitant to share this part of my life. It has so many feelings attached to it. Some really painful ones and really many that I just don’t understand yet. However, I feel like I should at least attemp to document this time in our family’s life.
I can not tell the whole story though. It is way to much for me to try and digest. In fact, right now all I can really wrap my brain around is a small part of MY experience. Some sadness, how I coped, and a little about what I learned.
So… Dave deployed. He packed up all that he needed for 6 months into a large duffle bag, kissed his family goodbye and left the country.
I won’t talk about his experience but I do want to show this pic.
This picture make me laugh every time I look at it. It is his first time participating in Mustache March. I can’t decide if I am happy or sad I never got to kiss him with that thing on his upper lip. But apparently if anyone can pull off a mustache, he can.
To keep it simple (mostly because I lack the ability to understand let alone explain all those feelings I experienced) lets just say, I was really really sad to have him gone. I have never lost a close loved one to death and so I can not say this from experience but it felt like I was mourning him like I would if he had died. My heart was broken.
This was a new depth of heart ache for me and it caught me off guard. I would love to say that I handled it gracefully but I didn’t. I did the best I could though and don’t have any regrets.
I may have handled it better if I was only dealing with my own personal emotions. I don’t live alone though, and had 4 struggling children in the home with me. To be honest it was not always pretty and we definitely had our ugly moments of struggle but…
WE MADE IT!!
And I would even say we came out stronger. Well I guess I can only speak for myself here; I made it out stronger and as a mother I can tell our family is stronger and more united because of it. I would even go as far as saying I am grateful for the experience.
As far as the coping goes, I relied on my faith and the testimony I have of our savior Jesus Christ more than I ever have. His grace is the only reason I made it. It became absolutely clear to me the difference between my own ability and the strength He provided. I never had relief from the pain in my heart but I had so many blessings to feel grateful for that I had peace with the pain.
I think that is all I want to say about this right now.
Anyway, he’s back and we are finding a normal again with his transition back into the home, a new season, and the start of a new school year.